Content Warning: Crude language
Rumpelstiltskin turned to Polyphemus with a smirk inside the cozy island home. “Now, love. Just a little prick of your sausage finger and-”
His words were cut short by the whip-cracking sound outside. They both ran towards the front door. Poly was the first to step through the door, eyeing a stranger coming through a portal. “Who the fuck is that?”
Cain leapt through a portal and ran up the beach. “Where are you mother fucker?”
“Who the fuck are you?” asked Rumpel as he stood in the doorway. A crash responded inside the house. They’re here for the sword, he thought.
Cain snapped his head to the side, tightening his grip on the scythe. “who the fuck are you?”
Rumpel’s eyes glowed bright green as he lifted his hands, and his lips into a snarl. “Poly get that sword if you want your goddamn eyes!”
Cain looked around at the sandy island. It wasn’t large. He could see the ocean from every angle. “Where am I?”
Poly sprinted back into the house and up the stairs as Rumpel held fast in his stance. He mumbled something inaudible as a tornado of sand swirled around Cain, nearly blinding him. “I ask you again. Who are you?”
“Cain, who are you?” he said as he squinted. The visage of the house was blurred from the whipping sand.
Poly’s giant feet thumped with each step as he made his way out of the house. Excalibur was gripped tight in his hand, a crooked smirk on his face. “Hey Rumpelstiltskin, I got the sword.”
Rumpelstiltskin sighed with relief, albeit keeping his spell channeled. “Who am I, dearie? It doesn’t matter.”
Swinging his scythe through the twister of sand, Cain created a gap and stepped through. I don’t have time for your party tricks.” He opened his eyes wide as he glanced towards the porch. “Rumpelstiltskin.”
Without warning, the goat-demon Azazel crashed through the porch roof, landing in between Rumpel and Poly. All three of them were scattered amongst debris and splinters of wood. Excalibur slid off of the porch and into the sand. Rumpel shook his head to regain focus and noticed the demon had grabbed the sword. “No!” He looked up as Cain gave chase to Azazel, who had the ancient staff in his hand that had killed so many immortals; the Staff of Solomon. They’re together!
“Come back, fucker!” Cain said.
As Poly sprinted after them, Rumpel stood, pulling his hands upward. “De mar a terra, ti mando.” An oceanic wave rose up twenty feet and pelted Cain in the side, sending him rolling across the sand.
With millennia of experience and physicality, he sprang to his feet and whirled around. Pointing the scythe at Azazel, a black bolt of energy fired forward, narrowly missing. He glared at Rumpelstiltskin. “Will you fuck off? I have to get that prick.”
Azazel quickly turned direction and leapt across the grounds and jumped through a window of the house. “Poly!” yelled Rumpel. He kept his eyes locked onto Cain and the scythe. “Get him!” Polyphemus rolled his eye and ran back to the house, though it was too late. The demon found the portal room of Minotauros and Morgan’s home.
“Fucking great,” said Cain. “Now he will be anywhere, you stupid prick.”
Poly slowly came out of the house. “Who the fuck was that?”
Cain twisted his face as he laid eyes on the single eye on Poly’s face. “What the fuck did you come as?”
“Fuck you!” hissed Rumpel. “Why are you here?”
Cain pointed his scythe towards the house. “I’m chasing that mother fucker!”
Rumpel shook his head. “We had it…we fucking had it!”
Cain stabbed the scythe into the sand and grabbed his hair. “I’m not here for a sea side holiday for fuck’s sake.”
“Answer my question,” said Poly. “Who was that?”
Rumpel sighed. Over the last 4,000 years, he had met thousands of immortals. “Azazel.”
“That was a dangerous mother fucker,” said Cain.
Poly’s eye lulled diagonally. “Azhole, got it.”
“Who is now running around with a weapon strong enough to hurt my mother,” Cain said lowly. “And that isn’t easy.”
Rumpel stepped off of the porch, narrowing his eyes at the son of Lilith. “Why did he have the Staff of Solomon?”
“He stole it.”
Poly’s eyebrow raised. “So he has the Staff of Solomon and Excalibur? Please tell me that’s it.”
Cain jerked his head to the side. “Isn’t that enough?”
“It is more than enough,” said Poly. “I know the creators of both, those are some scary weapons.”
“What does he want?” asked Rumpelstiltskin.
Cain scoffed. “Hell…power…my mother’s throne, fuck!”
Poly smirked. “And he outsmarted you?” He laughed loudly. “A goat outsmarted you?”
“Hey fuck you!”
Rumpel quirked a brow and sighed. “We need to get them back…now.”
“You got any bright ideas?” asked Cain. “Because he is fuck knows where by now.”
“A lot actually,” cocked Rumpel. He smirked. “You should try to have some sometime, love.” Cain nonchalantly flipped him his middle finger. “I’m going to get Excalibur. He can keep the staff.”
Cain narrowed his eyes as he pointed at Rumpel. “Hey fucker, he got that sword because of you.”
Poly groaned. “Does this mean I still have to help you?”
Rumpel turned and glared at him. “Do you want that second eye?”
“Wait,” said Cain. “How did you have the sword?”
“We just got it, and because you somehow dropped a fucking demon here…he has it.”
“Yeah, whatever man.” Cain started to walk away. “I’m going to get that mother fucker.”
“And what’s your bright idea?” asked Rumpel as he folded his arms. “Can you teleport?”
Cain rolled his eyes, continuing to walk down the strip of sand. “Yes.”
Smirking, Rumpelstiltskin cocked his head. “Can you read portal scars across the goddamn earth?”
Cain halted and huffed. He slowly turned around. “Can you?”
“Yes I can, dearie.”
Cain pointed at Poly. “Doesn’t this guy have a skill or is he just the muscle?”
Narrowing his symmetrical eye, Poly smiled brightly. “I can see in the future and I build weapons.”
“We need to lure him,” said Rumpel. He rubbed his forehead. “But he’s likely already tapping into the power of those weapons and cloaking himself.”
“What the fuck do you do?” asked Poly.
Cain smirked as he walked towards them. “My mom’s a queen. So whatever I damn well please.”
“Don’t you recognize Daddy’s weapon, Poly?” Rumpel asked as he pointed at the scythe.
“Shut the fuck up.” Cain’s knuckles turned white as he squeezed his fist around the black weapon of Death.
Poly lifted his brow. “So your Cain, like the OG Killer?” Cain sighed. “And your mom’s Lilith?”
“She’s fucking hot!” boasted Poly.
“So I’ve heard.”
Rumpel muttered, “Hard to kill an 8 year old. Real impressive work.”
Cain barred his teeth. “Fuck you. You wanna be next?”
Rumpel recalled the fight with Lycaon and smiled wickedly. “Good luck with that. Look here, fuckstick, are you going to listen to my plan or not?”
Cain folded his arms as Poly chuckled. “Go for it.”
“Cool, so you still have the maturity of your 6-year-old self,” said Rumpel. Cain didn’t respond. “If he’s chasing power, then we give him the location of more power than he can actually obtain.”
Cain sighed. “I’m listening.”
“Ever heard of Abaddon?”
“Skip the history lesson,” Cain croaked dryly. “Get on with it.”
“There is a key,” explained Rumpel, “that almost nobody knows the location of, to the power in the bottomless pit…almost.”
“I’m assuming you do,” said Cain unsurprised.
“Of course I do.”
Poly twisted his face into mockery. “Of course I do.”
Rumpel rolled his eyes and waved a hand, counting a green wave of energy that swept Poly’s feet out from under him. He caught himself before landing on his face. “Bitch!”
Cain shook his head. “So what are you proposing? We work together?”
“Unfortunately, if you want your fucking stick back, yes. Unless you have another idea.”
Cain’s eyes shifted to black. “Fine.”
“If we put out the word that we have the key, he’ll most likely come for it.”
Cain sighed and nodded. “So we should stay together for now.”
Rumpel took a deep breath as he looked towards the sea. “He may have some control over the staff but he won’t know shit about tapping into magic from Excalibur.”
Cain pointed at them with two fingers. “I mean that mainly because I don’t trust either of you fuckers.”
Poly shrugged. “Likewise.”
“The sooner we get it back the better. With those two he could take on Lilith. Last I heard the devil was locked out.” He quirked a brow at Cain.
“Yeah he’s in the dog house.”
Poly mumbled, “which means Lilith is ready for bow chika wow wow.”
“Seriously?” Cain blurted. “Why are you even here?”
Rumpel glanced at Poly’s centered eye. “He wants to look normal.”
“You’re helping this douche to… what, get another one?” asked Cain with disbelief.
“A glamour that would make me look like I had two eyes, yes.”
Cain cackled. “Fuck man!”
Poly leaned closer to him. “Hey, you think I could meet your mom after all this?”
“You help me…I’ll make sure you get to hook up.” Cain winked.
Poly smiled wide, puffing his chest out. “That’s a winner.”
Cain shook his head. “You’re insane.”
“We need a place to lay low,” said Rumpel, “yet could see Asshole coming a mile away.”
“I have an island,” said Cain.
“We can stay at my place in Vegas,” said Poly. His tone was rather proud. “High rise, penthouse.”
“That sounds better,” said Cain.
“I’m getting ready to buy the whole building anyways.” Poly looked off into the distance. “Vegas is a great city. Sex, drugs, murder, and sin.”
Rumpel nodded. “Good. That could work for now.”
“Compensating for something are we?” asked Cain with a wicked smirk.
Poly shrugged his shoulders. “They don’t call me the Prince of Sin City for nothing.”
“Nobody calls you that,” said Rumpel, recalling stories of the cyclops and the cave. He grinned. “Nobody.”
Poly narrowed his eye. “The whole supernatural community does, ass.”
Cain snorted. “Whatever man, let’s go. I need a fucking drink.”
Poly flipped them both off. “Then let’s get the fuck out of here.”
“You are not a fucking Prince,” said Cain.
“And you’re a whiny bitch,” retorted Poly.
“If you’re the Prince, who is the King?” asked Rumpel with a laugh. “Merlin?”
“Good joke, dick.” Cain furrowed his brows. “Merlin is long dead, thanks to my father.”
“Whatever you say,” cocked Rumpel as he rubbed his ring. “Let’s go.”
Without hesitating, Poly pushed them both out of the way and ran into the iridescent portal. Rumpel stepped through, vanishing with a cracking sound. Cain looked around the island for a moment. “Fuck.”
As he stepped through the portal, it dissipated.