CONTENT WARNING: CRUDE INDECENT LANGUAGE
Is it worth it Poly? Is it really worth it? Adventure time with Cain, the OG Killer and that fucking elf Rumplestiltskin? Azazel had the Staff of Solomon AND Excalibur and we had to find him. I didn’t see this coming. Literally.
You see, I knew Rumplestilskin would come to me about a deal. Honestly, I wanted the glamour. Of course, I could have gotten one from any of the magic users I knew. I ran deep in the supernatural community, but there are hardly any magic users who surpass the power of Rumplestilskin. I like the finer things in life, go big or go home, use the best and get the best.
But what really caught my attention for the deal was that I couldn’t see what happened when we actually got Excalibur. I could see Rumplestiltskin getting his dirty hands on the sword, I couldn’t see the background, and I couldn’t see past that point. Once he grabs the sword, it’s like an explosion of black and I snap back to reality.
So, I wanted to see what was so special about Excalibur and what happens after we get it. It took some pretty strong magic to prevent me from seeing in the future, and I intended to find out what caused it. But first, we needed to find AzHole.
I was going to see an old acquaintance of mine in the supernatural community. I’ve become rather well known in the supernatural community, I had acquaintances that were witches, vampires, and werewolves, even gods, goddesses, demigods, angels, and demons. I wasn’t an idiot, I knew it would be beneficial to have all these friends.
The one I was going to see, however, was a bit different. He was a Mystic, supposedly given his magic by the creator of the universe. He was strong with magic, especially when it came to control of the elements. More importantly, he was a collector of ancient weapons, much like myself. I didn’t ask where he got most of them, because honestly I didn’t care.
Everything was for sale in his shop, but only at the right price. The price wasn’t money, though, it was what you could offer him.
I walked up to the grey stone storefront, the black awning hanging above the door had the words ‘Movement & Decrement: Antiques and More’ spelled across it in white cursive. The black door had a giant brass door handle, and the large window was blocked by antique paintings and trinkets so that you couldn’t see inside.
I opened the door, a tiny bell ringing as I walked in. He had security measures in place. If a supernatural came through the door it was a bell ring, if it was a mundane it was a digital chime. He wanted to make sure he knew what all of his customers were.
“Link?” I called out. I walked around the crowded store, weaving in and out of the labyrinth-like maze of stuff. I finally made my way to the back of the store where a brown wooden door hung. A black rectangle sat in the middle of it reading ‘Linkon Wels, Owner’.
I knocked on the door a couple of times before it slung open. There in front of me stood, all 5’6 of him. He was a small man, his brown hair brushed to the right, his mustache dropping down the sides of his lip just barely reaching his goatee, and his circular wire frame glasses sat at the end of his nose.
“Poly! The Prince of Sin City himself!” He shouted, throwing his arms open. “How the hell are ya?”
I chuckled. “Hell is one way to describe it.”
His face turned from joyous to concern as he arched his eyebrow and cocked his head to the side. “Go on.”
“I made a deal with Rumplestilskin for a glamour to look like I have two eyes to the mundane,” I started.
“Rumples? I thought that guy was trapped away in a prison realm or some shit. Why the hell would you make a deal with him? I could have found you someone to give you a glamour.”
“You know me Link, go big or go home. Anyways, we went to go get Excalibur from Mino’s house. Once we got it and we’re getting ready to leave, fucking Azazel crashes into the ground from a portal.”
“What’s the goat fucker doing on this plane? The Creator is not going to be happy about this one.”
I rolled my eye at the mention of The Creator. He was always so cryptic when it came to them, he would tell you nothing about them, he would just tell you if they would be pleased or not. It was weird.
“Anyways,” I started back up. “Azazel crashes into the ground followed by Cain…”
“The OG Killer Cain?”
“Yes, that Cain.”
“Oh The Creator is not going to be happy, not one bit.”
“Yeah, that sounds like a you problem. ANYWAYS, Azazel has the Staff of Solomon, steals Excalibur from Rumples, and escapes. Now, I have to find this AzHole, kick his ass, and get the Staff and Excalibur back. All while teaming up with those two knuckleheads.”
Linkon reached up, stroking his chin as he looked off into nothingness. He sat there like that for a few odd minutes as I waited for him to say something.
He waved his hand around, a bow forming in his hand from the Ether. “This, my friend, is The White Rider’s bow.”
“The who’s what now?”
“The first of the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse. He’s often believed to be Christ himself. Spoiler alert, it’s not. No, he is actually the Horseman of War, the Red Rider is the Horseman of Civil War. Anyways, it’s a celestial weapon he used. I’ve been hanging onto it for a couple of centuries now.”
I reached out to touch it and he reached over and slapped my hand, causing me to jerk it away. “Don’t touch, not until we discuss payments,” he said with a sly smile.
I reached up, rubbing my forehead and clenching my teeth. “You can’t just do me a solid here Link?”
“Oh I could without a doubt,” he smiled. “But there are some things that I need.”
“What is it?” I sighed, shaking my head.
“Three things. I want you to bring this back,” he started.
“Okay fine, I’ll just harness the energy it uses and create a new weapon.”
“Two, bring me back the wings of Azazel.”
“Okay, sure. Whatever you’re into man.”
He smirked. “Lastly, will you help me with the ladies?”
My jaw dropped to the ground. “Are you fucking kidding me?”
He laughed, shaking his head. “I’ve spent the last… well, honestly I don’t know how old I am anymore, but I’ve spent the majority of my life collecting these artifacts, watching this world for The Creator, practicing my magic, and I haven’t had any time for that kind of thing. But my time is finally freeing up!
And it is no secret friend, that you are one of the best with them. They don’t call you The Prince for no reason! I heard you had two vampiress living with you at one time.”
Do you really want that glamour Poly? Do you really want to meet Lilith? Well, yes. Yes you do. “Fine, I’ll do it.”
“Excellent!” He said, extending the bow to me. I quickly snatched it from his hand before he tried to play any more games. What was with everyone wanting to play games with me lately?
I looked down at the bow, examining its craftsmanship, the perfect bends and smooth edges, the string pulled at the right tension. The power radiating off of it sent chills down my spine. I hadn’t held this amount of power in a very long time. Maybe it was Christ’s bow.
I looked back up to thank him, only to find he had disappeared back into his office. I sighed, shaking my head, and made my way out of the disastrously messy shop.